The stuff happening here at home has increasingly and rapidly changed. It no longer feels like I’m coming home to my mom. She’s become another person. Someone who has been asleep, tamed for so long, now suddenly wide awake and inhabiting my mother’s body like a host.
But that was fine for me. In the beginning.
Lately I’ve noticed certain things I can attribute to the old me. The me that’s up to something naughty and immature. Her conducts have.. how do I say it? They have turned an ultimate 180 degree from her conservative, obedient, and simple self.
As if this change is not enough. As if adjusting and living with a different personality are not enough. I stumbled upon something, something I dread and deny. My heart is collapsing every time I remember. It was hard to breathe and act normal after knowing. I was mad, frustrated, and bewildered. All I could think about was “Why?”
I have kept that something in my chest though I would really want to talk to someone about it. Its all so awful. Never did I expect this sort of thing happen to us, much more from my mother. I just don’t know what to say or how to phrase it in a way that would not hurt anyone. I don’t know who I should approach.
Its been bottling up inside me for days now. I have been thinking, and over thinking. I want to reprimand my mom. But how do I when she is supposed to be the mature one, the reprimanding one? What can I say to make her change her mind?
I don’t know.
This time I swore to do things differently. Personal reasons. But its mainly because I can’t take the cycle anymore. So I was betting on you, an act or conduct made by you that implicitly means, “Hey, its okay. You’re okay.” I waited. I waited for a while. And last night you finally you gave me your call.
“Hey, its not okay. You’re not okay.”
Yes, your message came across crystal clear. :)) All we could and might have been ends there.